As a few of you already know- I have recently become scared of everything and it has turned me into one anxious crazy-lady. I hate crowds, lightening, heights, large cities, spiders, waterfalls, murky ocean water, snakes, poison dart frogs... I keep weather.com up on my Windows phone 24/7 so I can get thunderstorm updates. I freak out when I see a lizard. More or less, I am nuts.
Today I learned about 2 new fears. My first is wealthy, young Charleston girls (in a stereotypical sense and not an individual "you are all bad people" way, of course).
I was lounging in the pool at Sister's apartment complex in Charleston enjoying a novel and a Bud Light (so classy) when 2 very skinny young idiot girls invaded my pool space. They proceeded to talk for over an hour about one of the girl's nose-job surgery scheduled for Monday. They then started discussing the classes they were going to take this fall. "Like, should I like, take that history class because like, I totally heard that the prof gives everyone, like, an A." I am not normally a people hater- but WTF?I just sat there fuming (because I do that). First off, what 18 year old college student has money for a $1000/mo apartment AND a nose job in this economy? Secondly, is it really necessary to overuse "like" in a one-on-one setting? It is one thing to play the dumb girl card at a bar when hitting on guys (which is deplorable but, from a psychological standpoint a very effective mating strategy), but if you are just chilling with your friend then you can 'like, totally' cut the act.
So I sat there, thanked God I was born with a pretty good brain, parents that taught me the value of hard work and money, and the ability to get over my physical insecurities through self-love and an ever-complimentary fiance. I would probably endure another hour of their babblings on an off-day so that I can, once again, feel a little better about myself. However, an hour today was quite enough.
THANKFULLY- the ladies got too sweaty (isn't that what the pool was for?) so they went back to their apartment and I was left alone. That's when the second fear sunk in. ALLIGATORS.
I thought that I was down with the whole gator thing. I watch Swamp People on Netflix. I am not swimming in a river anytime soon. I don't think I would necessarily taste good to one. So really, I shouldn't be scared. Nope- logic did not win today.
Sister told me yesterday that there are gators all over the place here and, at the time, that was fine. Now, sitting in the pool- by myself- a huge fear crept over me. I swore that an alligator was going to open the gate and charge at me. Haven't we all watched those home movies of alligators swimming in people's pools in Florida and Louisianna? I kept looking at the bottom of the pool to make sure that one wasn't lurking at the bottom. I was freaking out. "Who is going to save me if an alligator eats me?" I honestly wished those girls would come back so we could attack the animal together. Maybe we could "like" the thing to death and then give it a nose job for good measure?
After 10 minutes of being completely and irrationally paranoid, I jumped out of the pool and literally ran back to the apartment. I will not be swimming by myself again anytime soon. Now I think my Sister is super brave for not only living by herself in the land of alligators, but for subjecting herself daily to these crazy Charleston girls.
Jax rocks and I should probably go see a counselor.
